My Bloody Valentine 3D Review

My Bloody Valentine (Rated R)
2009 – Runtime 1 hour 41 minutes
Cast: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Edi Gathegi, Tom Atkins

Review: Make sure you pay close attention during the opening credits, because they blast through a lot of history of the main characters using a 3D newspaper effect, and I was so busy going “ooo kewl” at the effects that  I didn’t fully catch some pretty important history of the characters.

But then again, a 3D slasher flick a la the 1980′s hayday of slasher flicks (this film is actually a remake of an 80′s film) doesn’t really focus so much on plot. In that sense, My Bloody Valentine does a good job since it doesn’t totally discard the plot, and offers solid scares (especially in 3D) and what every good slasher film is expected to have in bulk – blood and boobs.

The plot revolves around an incident in a mineshaft where a dozen workers are trapped, and are found dead when they are finally rescued. Their deaths were not from the accident though, one of the miners went insane and may have killed them to save the oxygen. And for some reason I never figured out, it happened on Valentine’s Day.

10 years later (on V-Day) the killer escapes and goes on another killing spree, going back to the mine and (surprise) terrorizing some partying teenagers. In 3D. The rest of the film tries to piece together who it is and why it is and follows the teenagers years later. In 3D.

I saw the film in Real 3D, which (if you aren’t aware) is a far cry from the blue and red glasses days, and you get a sturdy pair of specs with no coloring at all. The image is really clear, in color, and the effects really do jump off the screen. While the film provides some pretty funny, sometimes neat, and often times disgusting, 3D effects, I felt they could’ve done a little more sometimes. But when they’re good…they’re good. A scene in an empty grocery store looking down the aisles is chilling.

Today’s horror flicks are “torture” types, where they focus the camera on the gruelling detail of sadistic murders, classic slasher flicks like this, on the other hand, offer gallons of blood, insane body part loss, and unrealistic murder that’s way over the top. That being said, there’s a number of distrubing death scenes, so beware.

Though the film is Valentine’s Day themed, it really makes no sense why, and it also makes no sense to see this as a Valentine’s Day movie. VDay sucks enough already without all this murder. If you like a decent horror flick, and are interested in 3D , go check it out in the theater. If not, it’s barely worth a rental price without the 3D as a slightly-better than average plot, a fair cast, and a number of decent scares.

   1/2  out of 4 stars. (2 for the movie, 1/2 for the 3D)